WHY DO WE HAVE PROBLEMS LISTENING?

Cognitive Dissonance, a psychological theory that applies to communication, states that a person feels conflict it they hold two or more attitudes that are in opposition to each other. One way people reduce dissonance is by ignoring the conflict that is causing the conflict.

Anxiety - Sometimes we can't listen because our anxiety is too high.

The Controlling Listener - always looks for a way to talk about themselves and what they are thinking about.

The Passive Listener - Exerts little listening effort-listen like a couch potatoes

Types of Listening

LISTENING FOR INFORMATION

CRITICAL LISTENING

EMPATHIC LISTENING

LISTENING FOR ENJOYMENT

Negative listening responses

Denying feelings:
"You shouldn't feel that way. "

Competing:
"I had a situation that was much worse than yours."

Evaluating:
"Your husband doesn't appreciate the work you do."

Being Philosophical:
"All bosses are hard to get along with." "That's the way life is"

Responding defensively:
"Don't blame me, I told you not to.."

Giving Advice:
"Quit this job and get a new one." "Calm down"

Defending the other person:
"Well understand her side."

Expressing Sympathy:
"I really feel sorry for you, it must be awful."

Questioning:
"What did you do to make him mad?"

Forms of Non-listening

Pseudo listening - pretending to listen

Monopolizing - Hogging the stage by continuously focusing communication on ourselves instead of the person who is talking.

Selective listening - We screen out the parts that don't interest us. We reject communication that bores us or makes us uncomfortable.

Defensive Listening - Perceiving personal attacks, criticims, or hostile undertones in communication where none is intended.

Ambushing - Listening carefully for the purpose of attacking the other speaker.

Literal Listening - Listening only to the content level of meaning and ignoring the relationship level of meaning.

Positive Listening Response

* Suspend Judgment

* Paraphrasing/Restating:
"In other words, your decision was to..."
"Your fed up with what's happening."

* Minimal Encouragers:
"Tell me more" "Really" "Go on" "uh-huh"
"Yeah" "I see" "That's interesting" Nod
"Please go on..."

* Ask questions
"What do you plan to do?"
"How do you feel about that?"
"How are you working this through?"
"Have you just started feeling this way?"
"What are our reasons for feeling this way?"

* Express support
"I can tell you've given this a lot of thought."
"I disagree with you but I respect your decision."

* Reflecting
"You were pretty upset by this..."

* Identify the emotion
"Are you mad at the situation or just a little discouraged?"

* Let the person work out the problem
"What are you going to do now?"

Posted: 8:10:06 AM  
link to this article: http://www.marinasmasters.com/2006/categories/articles/2008/12/15.html#a5826