Dodging Arrows

How one partner expresses feelings can provoke a reaction from the other. This can be thought of as taking a flying arrow in the belly.
You can do something better than counterreacting or shutting down when your partner is upset: Dodge each arrow - no matter what form it takes. Instead of taking an arrow in the belly, simply move out of the way, and let it pass by you. Stay centered and grounded. Breathe fully - and keep on breathing!
Dodging arrows is is far more constructive than counterreacting. It is a skill you can learn. But be gentle with yourself, since it can take some time to master this skill.

Black & White

When you see things as black or white, the world gets oversimplified and you are blinded from seeing positive, constructive options. This kind of narrow thinking arises in times of stress. In the heat of emotion, the mind will oversimplify. We then say or do things that provoke defensiveness or upset. We rob ourselves of positive options in communicating and put obstacles in the way of happiness. It is important to open your eyes to the possibility that you are mistaken in how you perceive things. Stop, take a breath, question your thoughts. Open to discovering positive options by opening your mind again.

Balance

Partners can sometimes be at odds, out of balance, and going in different directions. In healthy relating, it's important that both partners get their wants and needs met. Each person can freely state their needs and gets a fair turn.
They share decisions. There is a sense of balance in who gets what, when. This is an ideal picture of balance in action. But partners may sometimes express quite different and conflicting needs to each other.
Instead of reacting to these as a source of friction, you can open your heart and consider each of your partner's requests. Perhaps they may actually be serving your best interest - reminding you to become more balanced, whole, and healthy in how you live your life.

Ask the Oracle

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